Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's been 10 days since anyone in the NFL has murdered anybody! So Blessed.

   If a bear attacks you, play dead........ Ok good, you're about to feel like this forever

   Unless you're from the Boston/Cambridge/Somerville area, you won't get it. . .

   I just saw in the news that President Obama is going to nominate Caroline Kennedy to be the next US Ambassador to Japan. Gee. You would think after all these years we'd stop trying to avenge Pearl Harbor.

   When I feel like eating pu$$y, I order Chinese.

   Bo Jackson takes 5 hour energy?? Well, let me rush out and buy some even tho it tastes like horse pee...

   One more candy crush request and I will eat all your candies and crush your nose bone - RJ

   Love seeing life through the eyes of a child. So I made the nephew a helmet-cam and let him take a spin in the dryer.

   I followed my heart and it lead me to you.

   if your panties aren't wet, then we never spoke!

   .. .----. -- / -... .-. .. -. --. .. -. --. / -- --- .-. ... . / -.-. --- -.. . / -... .- -.-. -.- ? ? ? Screw texting I'm bringing Morse Code back

   She's a pig in the streets, but bacon in the sheets.

   I have the new Weight Watchers fridge...At midnight my fridge no longer lights up inside. My Flashlight is also out of batteries!~~THE END TO MIDNIGHT SNACKS!~

   BORED so Pretending to water my fake plants.....

   Stereotypes aside, I believe there is a female toughness that men do not have, or understand. It's whatever creates the courage to care.

   Facebook closed for MLK Day??

   All female Ghostbuster remake, just like the all male original, but instead the whole movie is 4 chicks trying to coordinate their uniforms.

   So you guys heard about this MySpace thing?

   i have completed 38 of the 50 shades of grey

   Don't make me take my bra off.... Because without it.... you will see I have bigger balls than any guy out there!