Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   laying beside a dead deer in a santa suit

   Certain cars really say something about you..For instance...Mazda Miata - I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler! and Jaguar XJ6 - I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year! lol

   has been on detox for 4 days and now knows how missisippi got it's name.

   is the lime in your Corona!

   Just got freaky with a Mannequin hand and a electric razor taped to a golf club shaft.

   An Iranian cleric is blaming earthquakes on promiscuous women. He's only partially correct. For the ground to move, she needs to be on top.

   I'll tear down the stars and I'll give them to you. They're not as pretty as your eyes, but I guess they'll have to do.

   Instead of studying for Finals I am currently putting together my audition tape for the next season of Jersey Shore...Not Glee...I have standards...

   not as thunk as you drink I am occifer...i was just podging dotholes...

   facebook baby,i love you,even though you suck. . . or,maybe THAT is why I love you

   says 'gardening' is what it's called when adults want to play in the dirt!

   I know you need a wish right now, wish right now .. but quit postin song lyrics on my wall !

   Dont ever let your gaurd down, ever!..and when you think its ok to let your gaurd down that is the time when you should realllly keep it up!, waaaaaay up!

   NXT 4 Life! They're taking over!

   mad because the government took away my Weapon of Mass Destruction.

   When sh*t dont look right, Start a fight.

   Everything taste good and is easy to swallow with a little "hope and change" sprinkled on it.

   he'll shoot, he'll score, he'll eat your labrador, Football fans jeerig!! ofcourse they were Korea Fans!!

   31% of women complain about everything while the other 69% complain about everything

   Happy Birthday Weed!