Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The J€ws only use the Old Testament, because its too expensive to upgrade.

   So another shooting occurs in another College..... I dont know why we not making the bullets more expensive than college by now

   Waiting for some indian dude to come out with a song called Ghandi style

   Lil Wayne Engaged, Wiz Khalifa Engaged, Snooki Pregnant & Engaged.... Everybody got a ring but Lebron.

   Jingle bells, my foot smells, I pulled it from your ass. Get a beer and bring it here then pour it in a glass. - My Christmas song.

   *Spoiler Alert* Batman dies of throat cancer on The Dark Knight Rises .

   If I liked a pic of you and your man, it doesn't mean I'm mature... It means holla at me if he acting up.

   I turned off the tv; what was the point of watching one boring moth-er-fucker after another one.

   Saw my ex for the first time since we broke up at a diner last night. She was with another guy. So I ordered a sandwich, took a few bites, went up to their table, handed her date my leftovers and walked away.

   Well if Donald said it, it must be true. So there you are, no one has done more for equality than he has. MLK could take lessons from Trump.

   that a Trump rally? I thought it was the casting for "The Walking Dead"...

   Oops I almost forgot its sunday today, thanks facebook friends for reminding me with your religious posts.

   Just glad Jesus died on a Friday Good Monday just doesn't 'roll' off the tongue as well

   at the point where i'm confused about which one of the american black guys being killed by police you're talking about.

   Who said, " nothing is impossible!" try nailing jello to a tree.

   I walk light so I don't piss the ground off..

   Do you work for subway? Cause you just gave me a foot long.

   I'm going to get in shape, pear is a shape...right???

   last night, I laid in bed, looking up at the stars, and thought to myself, "where the hell is my roof?"

   I bet you $20 I don't have a gambling problem.