Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Wondering if the English Prime Minister supports the "No Child Left Behind" movement lol

   that risky towel walk you have to do from the shower to the bedroom

   Roses are red, violets are blue. Sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead. The sugar bowls empty and so is your head.

   Dugout: where baseball players relax between innings Doug-out: where Doug feels comfortable telling others about his sexuality

   Just because ur wearing a metal mulisha shirt and ur tatted up doesn't make you a gangster... It means your trying to hard to fit in

   I wish I could enable cookies in my tummy's browser.

   A Smart Car would be good on gas, but I'd feel silly wearing it.

   Texting 101: (Oh) = stop talking to me. (K) = I'm done talking. (Whatever) = f**k you. (Fine) = f**k it. (I guess) = I don't give AF.

   Dont you hate when ppl call you on house phone and ask where you @ and hold you hostage on the phone

   Amigo, the only thing in this world that gives orders is balls. Balls. You got that? - Tony Montana

   Dear fad following teenage girls, could one of you at least clean the mirror before taking your photo, and we'd like to thank you all for showing us 1 disgusting bathroom after another. Love, the world.

   Can we start counting magazines as books. I'll sound so much smarter.

   middle east tensions? not worried here I survived the 80's....red dawn russian invasion,stray cats rocking towns inside out,and the Gap Band dropped a bomb on me!!!

   mama gettin a lil out of control with this mothers day thing , she want me to rub her feet.

   I am not mean, I am blunt. Which means I will tell you the clear difference between a bit naive, and INCREDIBLY STUPID!

   Man Utd have just announced, that after a trophyless season & a run of disappointing results, they have this morning, sacked Howard Webb..!!

   You'll have to speak up, I can't hear you in the dark.

   For the love of God, how do I remove Vuze from my computer????

   Wanna have a happy relationship? Try switching your gf's lipstick into gluestick!

   "Mirror, mirror on the the wall, who's the most expressionless one of them all?" --how I imagine this Kristen Stewart Snow White movie going