Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "If you are Jordan, Wade, Garnett or Peyton, it worked. It don't work on Leroy." --- Charles Barkley

   ..is in negotations with Vancouver. They're desperate for snow and she's sick of it.

   ready for upgrades, modifications and custom made specifications. (DP)

   My Imaginary friend asked he could bring his Imaginary friend round, but I thought 3 was a crowd so I said no!

   The definiton of success: The achievement of something desired, planned, or attempted: So to be successful, set low standards, to be a failure and frustrated, set very high standards.

   Of all great losses in life, Time is the most irrecoverable. It can never be redeemed.

   Love me or Hate me...either way you still have a feeling for me!!

   This finger is loaded and I know how to use it.

   going to get married. So what if it is a cardboard cut-out.....don't judge me!

   The trumpeter blew it while auditioning for the symphony.

   The funny thing is, you can't tell if I'm naked...

   Justin Bieber to write memoir at 16. I hear his voice changes halfway through the audiobook when he goes thru puberty.

   Since that one incident in the restroom, I can never look at chocolate the same......

   Although your check in at Taco Cabana makes me hungry, we DO NOT need to know your pin point location on a daily basis. Unless your out of town or at a cool strip club, keep your daily errands to yourself.

   finding himself saying "never eat soggy worms," to remeber my easts and wests

   There are only two possibilities why so many birds died all at once. A government conspiracy testing a new weapon, or the birds flew into the side of a UFO as the UFO was watching all the pretty fireworks that supposedly scared the birds to death.....

   I think if a mandatory viewing of the movie, "Dogma" , has ever been warranted, this might be the day

   has a hangover so bad that the only thing keeping him alive is the hope that he'll drop dead

   Yowers...You know the way she keeps trying to Double Dare me...I'm think she's wants to Take the Physical Challenge

   I feel like I am retaining water today. Omg. that's it. no more lifetime movies or chick flicks....