Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   lady caca was way better when she was madonna

   Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

   not every flower can say love, but a rose does. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus does. Not every retard can read... but look at you go!/€

   When people ask What Would Jesus Do, I remember how he hid in that cave for 3 days after people were so mean to him. That's more my speed.

   trying to find out who's on first and what's on second?!?

   Jesus IS the son of God and God's not dead. Stop living a self absorbed life holding to the flaeed ever-changing religion of Science. it is time that you understand that you are not the one in control.

   Girls are like slugs - they probably serve some purpose, but it's hard to imagine what.

   bartending at the Betty Ford Clinic

   Some days I'm not sure whether I am a Catholic or an angry Protestant!

   Silly Balloon Boy Dad. The only way you can get away with lying to the American people and toying with their emotions is to be a politician.

   Messin with Sasquatch

   WAIT!... I'm still Loading ████████████ 99%

   ... all in all we're just another brick in the Wal(Mart).

   Please put this as your status if you know, or are related to, someone killed on Alderaan when it was obliterated by the Death Star. The Rebel Alliance wants to bring peace to the galaxy, but the Galactic Empire continues to kill innocent civilians. 93% w

   Some people are like Slinkies - not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

   I have a small request to make to you. Can I borrow your face for a few days? My ass is going on a holiday.

   Why are Softballs hard?

   going to quit drinking , when I woke up this morning my liver was sitting on the night stand smoking a cigarette and creaming at me "You B*stard

   well god already hates me cause I dint 4wrd mail to 25 friends of mine. I will never be a wealthy man cause I dint 4wrd another mail of happy wealth to another 25 friends.i will never get the love of my life cause I dint 4wrd love chain mail to another 2

   Excuse me,God,but this fig leaf is much too small!