Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you smell cheese and see pizza ur hungry. If you smell cheese and see feet ur disgusted. Now make up ur mind will ya! Either you like the smell of cheese or not.

   heard on the news that Justin Bieber won like 2 million awards last night but he's only sold 4 CDs. wtf?

   I can hardly stand the wait, please christmas don't be late!!

   It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look without the beer googles.

   Once they learn how to prevent pizza rolls from exploding out molten hot lava, then I'll believe in the ability if science.

   you can get whatever you want in this life if you have self confidence,determination...and an AK-47 wz unlimited ammo..

   I wonder if the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks by claiming all his appendages were "elephant-sized".....

   if a fly didn't have wings, would it be called "walk" ?

   thinks that the Waltons take way too long to say good night!

   I really think that one whom sratches his or her own ass, should not bite their Fingernails

   Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

   When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"

   drinking shots with Miley Cyrus! Hope she dosent make a song about it.

   Rated E for every one!!! wait.......

   t is my sincere hope that your day is full of love and that you are a positive influence on the people who look up to you. It is also my sincere hope that Perez Hilton pours kerosone all over himself, down his throat and in his socks & immolates himself

   How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...

   haha yeah dude she talks about you all the time . .. . . she hates you..

   I remember the day like it was yesterday when I realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights

   Should I say Thank You when someone tell me *You look good TODAY!!!*?

   I was carring my baby cousin and a dragon fly lands on my shoulder in the parking lot. The shoulder that is also the start button for me to go into scream, panic, and drop everything mode