Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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To err is divine. To blame it on someone else shows presidential potential. 
Where the heck is that "Polka" button Facebook that everyone keeps talking about?! I have my accordian and am ready to boogie.
Value has a value ONLY if its value is valued . . .
If you cant beat them, put a few drops of Visine in their coffee.
No word in the English language rhymes with month.
Almost casted for "The Biggest Loser", when I found out it wasn't the lose weight show, totally got pissed..
Mmmm, plumpkins..
Be yourself beautiful, and you will find the world full of beauty
I'm sorry Baby, that's gravity. I can't help it that I'm physically attracted to you
Mary Poppins did a great job getting kids to take there meds...Cause a spoon full of sugar really does help the medicine go down... Its just too bad all the kids she watched got Type 2 diabetes now...
Dear makers of poppies, as much as I respect the poppy and what it is a symbol of, I would have thought that you would have been able to make a more secure fastening device by now. And perhaps one that doesn't stab the wearer several times a day. I'm just
Just sent his buddies to The Blue Oyster to pick up chicks. LOL...are they in for a surprise!
If you smell cheese and see pizza ur hungry. If you smell cheese and see feet ur disgusted. Now make up ur mind will ya! Either you like the smell of cheese or not.
heard on the news that Justin Bieber won like 2 million awards last night but he's only sold 4 CDs. wtf?
I can hardly stand the wait, please christmas don't be late!!
It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look without the beer googles.
Once they learn how to prevent pizza rolls from exploding out molten hot lava, then I'll believe in the ability if science.
Spending Christmas in a little town called Red Bud. I'm sure it will be a fine holiday experience.
Be nice to nerds, Chances are you will be working for them.
you can get whatever you want in this life if you have self confidence,determination...and an AK-47 wz unlimited ammo.. 