Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The list of artists featured in MTV Unplugged in 2011 up to the present tells you what kind of singers we have nowadays.

   I'm such a maverick. I refuse to make Sun tea. I'm making Moon tea, and let me tell you...that $hit's been on the back porch for 8 years and it STILL ain't done.

   People who say I tend to give up too fast on things should- eh, know what, never mind.

   I love it when you push my buttons, baby. But touch my car radio presets and I'll have to push you into oncoming traffic.

   Lost my brain.. If you find it please dont contact me. I am Happy!!

   Chad Johnson was arrested for domestic violence...apparently he beat the crap out of Randy Travis.

   I've seen squirrels having seizures with more brains than you

   Hit me with your best shot... of tequila.

   Rosanne is running.....who cares

   So if you packed your lunch with a few weed brownies its all good.

   The thing about Truth is, it is always True!

   Just took a dump without my phone. Where do I collect my Nobel Peace Prize?

   So...I'm the only one left Occuying Wall Street so I'm going home...

   So, Los Angeles wants Meatless Monday... and probably followed by Tater Tot Tuesday and Weinerless Wednesday...

   This is the time of year when you can put mistletoe in your back pocket so that people who don't like you can kiss your...well you know...

   On a scale of 1 to leave 100 missed calls on my phone if I fail to reply your text message within 2 minutes, how crazy are you?

   Re the World Cup: Instead of wars how about countries settle their disputes with a soccer game? After all, they usually end up in a riot anyhow.

   Some people spend their whole life searching....I spend it trying to keep a straight face.

   Anything you can do I'll b*tch about later.

   Remember when Pink made girls look cute, now it makes them look trashy