Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Women, can't live with them.... can't live with them

   upset about all of these celebrity deaths. First, Rue McClanahan, then, Gary Coleman, and now, Jimmy Dean. I guess you could summarize it as the loss of "sex, drugs, and sausage rolls"...

   If Apple created the iHouse, it wouldn't have any Window.

   Rupert Murdoch is said to be deeply touched by the messages from family and friends left on Whitney Houstons phone.

   "I wasnt that Drunk", "Dude you were in my pool trying to find Nemo"

   "Want half of my sandwich?"- Jeffery Dahmer

   Nothing SCREAMS "I have a small peni$", more than owning/riding a Harley Davidson!.

   Congrats to Obama for his Oscar win for best acting by a Politician last night ! !

   Honk if you love a peaceful and quiet drive.

   ► Play the moments ▌▌ Pause the memories ■ Stop the pain ◄◄ Rewind the happiness. Be a remote in your life

   "When people fight and hate and kill over Me I'm obviously very flattered." - GOD

   Religion is only 4000 years old and based on where you live. The world is billions of years old.

   If you put anything in your mouth that Bill Cosby gives you, he'll probably be putting something else in there in the very near future. Somebody should probably just kill him!

   More excited than Tiger Woods in a Strip Club

   FACEBOOK..... YOU ARE NOT MY THERAPIST!!! DONT ASK ME WHAT IS GOING ON IN MY LIFE!

   says it just isn't fair there are children starving in Africa, And I wake up looking this good.

   Treat ur tuthbrush like a girlfrnd Use atleast twice a day Dont let any1 else use it, & replace it in every 3 months.:-)

   Everytime I read "Happy Hanukkah" It reminds me of 'Hakuna Matata''

   Trump has chosen Mickey pence as his vice-president. Did anyone in their wildest dreams even imagine that Donald and Mickey would run America one day!? Walt Disney would be proud of this!

   He's doing a fabulous job of destroying the economy that president Obama left him. Tremendous job!