Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   FYI: We'll stop blaming Bush when you stop running on Bush's ideas!

   I mixed up my toothpaste and Preparation H......now I'm talking $hit but on the bright side, my farts are minty fresh

   On another note, some of the single Syrian women aren't bad looking ;)

   So if your are religious you are not accountable for anything? The devil made me you do it?

   When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music, but when I do it I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot"

   “Jesus Christ, must I do everything around here?” -God complaining about Jesus being irresponsible.

   What do bricks and ug-ly f@t girls have in common? They both get l@id by Mexicans.

   Joe Biden walks nervously into the grocery store by himself for the first time. He asks the clerk, "where are the snowman noses?"

   If you love her then you should hold her hand in public because women need to be lead around by a man or they will have no clue what to do.

   Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I'm typing this with my middle finger.

   Fight poverty, smack a hobo!

   This year for Halloween, New Jersey is dressing up like New Orleans.

   lets do a 68...you do me and I owe you one.

   it was once said that corey haim couldnt act the part of a corpse, way to show em corey, way to show em.

   vertically challenged

   breaking up with his flirtatious imaginary girlfriend in hope that his seductive mythological lover could become more allegorical....

   rejected to be the 5th Ninja Turtle.

   Only Robinson Crusoe had ever everything done by Friday.

   upset about all of these celebrity deaths. First, Rue McClanahan, then, Gary Coleman, and now, Jimmy Dean. I guess you could summarize it as the loss of "sex, drugs, and sausage rolls"...

   Some T.V celebs are jumping on the Sarar Palin bandwagon. Jay Leno, David Letterman, Jimmy Kimmel