life Funny Status Messages

   Sometimes it seems I spend half my life just breathing in.

   I miss The Oregon Trail. Life seemed so simple when your biggest worry was killing enough buffalo before you died of dysentery.

   The best time to reexamine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.

   My love life is so boring that Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore are going to make a movie about it.

   Some people say I dream too much, I say its just because my life is better than their dreams are.

   being colourblind doesn't stop me enjoying life. the other night I saw joseph and his amazing brown coat . it was great .

   1st: Chris Brown hits her 2nd: Eminem lies to her and 3rd: Drake cant remember her name. What a life Rihanna has

   iPhone users update:- I'll screenshot it, I'll tweet about it, I'll Instagram it, I'll write a blog about it, I'll delete half of my contents for it, I'll get enraged about it.Android users update:- *clicks update, gets on with life*

   The best things in life are free until the government finds out and taxes it.

   "You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that." - Life

   A childhood of Disney movies has left me sorely disappointed in the lack of spontaneous musical numbers in my life...

   Life Lesson number 1, There is a time each month when a man would rather face death in a 20ft snow drift than spend a day with his significant other. Thank god for 4 wheel drive

   Well done, you are popular on Social Media. Sorry about the rest of your life.

   Charles Manson was going to get married. He's 80 years old, and serving a life sentence in prison. Well, the marriage is off. And today I saw that his profile was back on eHarmony

   The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your way around, you're not going anywhere

   "The best revenge is a life well-lived" is so true, but it doesn't provide the instant gratification I seek.

   I'm at that very brief period of drunk right now where I love my life and everybody in it.

   Michelangelo seems like a genius until you realize he spent hours of his life carving a dude's pubes out of marble.

   It's too bad you don't get any sexual satisfaction out of being screwed over all the time. I would be set for life!!!

   Dear Life...Would you at least start using lubricant....