Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   thanks for being a sperm donor, deadbeat!

   wondering why the head keeps falling off his John the Baptist bobble head?

   When a man talks dirty 2 a women, its sexual harassment when a women talks dirty 2 a man, its $3.95 a minute!

   tis the season to be horny

   Some president once said "It's the economy stupid"...But I say "It's the government Dumb@$$"

   Some president once said "It's the economy stupid"...But I say "It's the government Dumb@$$"

   Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope

   It is amazing how much effort I put into my laziness.

   My doctor (me) just decided to up my dosage (smoke more weed)

   My father dies from ALS, get off the subject and start writing funny stuff...

   it me or this presidency has experienced more Virus out break since AIDS? Remember the Swine Flu, bird Flu, Housing Bubble Flu, Bank bail out Flu, and my favorite was when Congress Flew

   Today a 5 foot tall grashopper spit in my face, I went to my doctor and he did tell me he heard there was a really nasty bug going around

   Ladies: you should be grateful for even the smallest of things a man does for you. Why? Because he took time out of his day, to make your day more beautiful and special.

   A woman interviewing me for a job, was hot, but a real b!tch. She goes, "Are you bi-lingual?" I didn't even want the job at this point, so I said, "Yes, I can lick ur pu$$y and ur a$$hole. "SECURITY!!!!"

   I 'm trapped in a maze, therefore I am a-maze-ing.

   "Glee" after the Super Bowl? From politics to TV shows, Fox continues to polarize the U.S.

   did it like this, I did it like that, I did it with a whiffle ball bat, So....

   When the Snake is alive, the Snake eats Ants. When the Snake is dead, Ants eat the Snake. Time can turn at any time. Don't neglect anyone in your life........

   I just read Snooki from "Jersey Shore" hates her nickname, and wants to go back to using her real name: Bilbo Baggins

   Short guys are like the fat chicks of men.