Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   They say that life's a dream… well call this insomnia

   Remember Billy Gilman? Yeah, I'm pretty sure that was Allison Krauss the whole time.

   where's my invisibility cape?? I wanna stay till the end!

   ''Its difficult not to judge urself by someone else's reaction''

   Maybe now is a good time to change my religious views to very religious, just in case.

   i guess if you got the last name weiner, you better advertise it!

   Pride Weekend? You know that you have hit it big when you get a song for a whole weekend. Way to go U2

   Wishing I was hot sticky and sweet.

   The best things are unseen,that's why we close our eyes when we Kiss,Laugh and Dream

   Keep your friends close and your enemies...on a tight leash.

   who's your daddy and what does he do? Governor California

   Faithful and trust worthy partners are like a thong on a fat girl…so hard to find.

   i heard tim pawlenty has pulled out of the GOP race. Well I guess he can now finally go back to his regular job as being nicholas cages stunt double. oh wait hes jobless too...my bad

   the economy is so bad I saw a walmart CEO shopping at walmart

   Netflix is raising their prices again?! This sounds like a job for Hacker Group Anonymous!

   If you will lie about the little things, before long you'll lie about bigger things

   Beauty without virtue is like a rose without scent.

   The University of Maryland uniforms were so ugly that a University of Miami player was overheard saying "You couldn't pay me to wear those uniforms"

   In other news Apple bans apples from all grocery stores.

   She has butter legs – they spread easily.