Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The Vatican's chief exorcist says yoga is a satanic practice, which means yoga just got about 11,000,000% cooler.

   What did the ocean say to the land.....nothing it just waved

   The weather man (drug dealer) says I can have a white Christmas (cocaine) with plenty of trees (weed) and now I'm happy (broke)

   Every kiss begins with K, unless it's forced then it begins with R.

   Today, I went to Walmart to get the latest Grand Theft Auto. The salesgirl didn't know what it was, so I tried to expalin. "It's about a black guy who crashes his car, sleeps with prostitues, and attacks people with a golf club." She came back with Tiger

   I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up. They have no holidays.

   Fast food places gonna be bumpin today, Happy 4/20 (̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅̅_̅()ڪے~

   When you post pictures of yourself flaunting money, I am forced to think you're not used to having it

   Beyonce has more African American people in her belly than Trump has in his cabinet.

   White House admits quid pro quo. This is getting a lot interesting now.

   The morality rate for Covid-19 is 2%. The percentage of g@ys is 4%. You have a greater chance of becoming a mollusk muncher or a pole smoker than dying from the Coronavirus.

   Melania Trump homemaker tip: When sorting your laundry, don't forget to separate your deplorables from your coloreds.

   Unfortunately, due to a recent stroke, my friends left side is now completely useless. .. I now refer to it as His feminine side!......jimboleem

   im gonna put a ringtone of a baby crying and put it in a case. Then when it rings I will start punching the bag saying shut up BI*CH!!

   just heard that Harold Camping is the new front running Republican presidential candidate

   I'm a feminist, but not like a "wants to pay my own bills" feminist.

   the reason you get up in the morning <3

   Cats do not make good pets. If you die, your cat will eat you…

   "Bailiff! Why is this evidence covered in chocolate pudding?" Because, your honor, *smiles* The proof is in the- "Get out of my courtroom."

   DEAR SANTA, When you're done with it... Can I have the naughty girl list????