Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Funny is grown adults who think they are still in an AOL chat room! haha

   After marriage, sloppy seconds means not licking the cake batter spoon first.

   When you poke someone on facebook, where exactly are you supposed to be poking them ?

   Dear inventor of the double doors, we thank you!........your biggest fans, Fat People

   S/O to the death of Bin Laden!!! Word has it, he was at Bush house eating dinner & choked on a chicken wing!!!

   osama is dead now the remaining is justin beiber

   Thanks to the ac its so cold in my office that even the girls in my nudy calendar are getting T.H.O's

   I have a friend of mine looking for 20 blow up dolls and a bottle of helium.....Release the Rapture!!!

   its always when your writing something important you always run out of sp

   Who needs thr circus when you can go to Walmart. "Our prices are as low as the self esteem of our freaks"

   Monday, quit being such a ba$+ard.

   It has been revealed that Ryan Giggs of Manchester United has been slammin' his brothers wife for 8 years! damn! Talk about brotherly love.

   The potatoes cook underground and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.

   weird. I was playing mini golf and this angry dude from New Zealand offered to carry my putter and kept swatting my wifes camera out of her hand

   Aug 1st- today is the beginning of my 12 step program. Step one, get another beer!

   If all roads were straight forward, we'd fall asleep on the wheel.

   My orange phone contract needs to hurry up and end soon - my backup paper cups and string are starting to wear out.

   There are two things a HUMANS can never hide: The fact that he's drunk, and the fact he's in love.

   Every since he started "CHECKING IN" on Facebook, Waldo hasn't been that hard to find.

   Poking on Facebook is a way of saying, "I think you are cute and I like you BUT I am a coward"