Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Pass the parcel would work better if there is no prize that way one kid is disappointed but everyone else is happy

   lowered her expectations to the point that they've already been met. <sigh>

   If you read my mind you'll see I'm CRAZY FOR YOU ....

   There's too much blood in my caffeine system...

   getting bored with Dear Diary, oops she means Facebook. Just because facebook asks you "What's on your mind?" doesn't mean you have to answer, if it ask you to jump off a bridge would you do that to?

   thinks Captain Planet and the Planeteers need to go save the Gulf of Mexico.

   I bet him anul if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week

   My pants are on the no-fly list.

   Embracing the darkness,killing the light.go on you troubles,i ain't got the time to fight.mayb the yesterday ws wrong,tmrrw wud sure be right.no more shaking up,may however strong be the tide.i close my eyes with a dream.this is misery's final night. . .

   you may be an engineer if you know the direction the water swirls when you flush.

   wondering if the Phillys and Blackhawks players wives are not shaving either

   We Need Captain Planet ,Let are Powers Combined

   Never underestimate the power of a woman -- nor overestimate her age and weight.

   When he says "We could be friends".. I feel like replying " We COULD be rare specimen of an exotic breed of dancing african elephants, But we are not... Atleast, I'M not !!

   Pointing And LOLing, At Kids Falling Off Their New RipStik They Got For Christmas.

   Everybody got snow blowers...Me all I got is man power a shovel.You wont see me in the gym gettin ready for Summer.

   reading other statuses but your status is important to him. Please stay online and your status will be read in priority sequence. Approximate wait time 17 min

   wondering why most people begin to hide their friends list in facebook!

   For an old white guy the colonel makes some good ass chicken.

   Making $ is easy. Press shift+4.