Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   why does snoop dog carry an umbrella? FO DRIZZLE.

   Happy 235th to United States and happy 12th or whatever to Alaska and Hawaii.

   That feeling when a booger shoots out your nose and you don't know where it landed.

   2.Two obese Pattys, Special Ross, Lester cheats picking bunions on a Sesame Street bus!

   ■a guy knocked on my door today asking for a donation for the local primary school's pool. I went away and came back with a cup of water….. Is that wrong?

   Domino's Pizza changed their name to just Domino's because they're now serving even more $hitty food.

   Whenever I silently fart in bed I always ask the wife if she smells popcorn so she will take a big whiff looking for the popcorn smell...I'm just evil like that.

   If you are lucky enough to find a weirdo never ever let them go, unless his name is Donald J. Trump.

   No matter how much you hate or how much of an ass you are, Jesus still loves you atheists

   first there were 3 broken axles then I died of dysentery. Damn Oregon Trail.

   if you notice this notice, then you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing

   Dear Lindsay Lohan,Here is a tip,Better learn to hold your soap tightly.

   I ripped a bunch of pubes out on the bus today. It hurt like hell! especially when the chick who I did it to woke up and punched me. :(

   America is full...GO HOME!

   says, When Ronald Reagen was president we had Bob Hope and Johnny Cash. Now it's ONLY Obama with NO Hope and NO Cash.....!!!!

   "9/11 organiser dead". Nonsense, I've never seen George W. Bush looking healthier.

   Hail Mary, full of grace, put Notre Dame in second place.

   more then a lil surprise Mark Ingram won the Heisman Trophy, I thought Obama had it in da bag?!?!?

   So you hate me? Is this the part where I start crying? Bi*ch please! Take a number and sit your a$$ down with the rest of them bi*ches waiting for me to give a f*ck.

   this is the promised land." Now Obama has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of Camels and bankrupted the promised land.