Funny Status Messages

   I invented a steak sauce. The ingredients; Au Jus, Shiitake Mushrooms, and Vinegar. No one will market it. They have a problem with the name. I named after the three ingredients. What's so bad about: "Au Shiit Niga!"

   watching today the bare-knuckled, bruising clash between competitors vying to win recognition for their national pride. Then President Obama dismissed the Healthcare summit and I watched the Olympics.

   heard that Corey Feldman was reportedly wandering around Haimlessly in Los Angeles

   Every family has an old beach towel with a cartoon character on it and nobody knows where it came from

   What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese

   She was Hannah Montana when Bush was president. Thanks, Obama.

   My makers were my parents, not sure who yours are. Fairytales from a 2000 year old book is useless.

   What do you call a black guy with millions of white friends? Mr President

   Do you consider it as an insult to be hit on by a gay guy? YES - t hums d0wn NO - t humbs Uo

   US Presidential elections 2012, polls close. "So, Barack, how many votes did you get?" asks his wife Michelle. "Two," he responds. She slaps him hard across the face. "What was that for?" "You have a mistress, now do you!!?"

   planning on driving to the south Florida for the Super Bowl. Let's just hope I don't "FUMBLE" my keys a few times before getting there.

   M̸o̸n̸d̸a̸y̸ T̸u̸e̸s̸d̸a̸y̸ W̸e̸d̸n̸e̸s̸d̸a̸y̸ T̸h̸u̸r̸s̸d̸a̸y̸ Friday!! just say'in :))

   [stands up in church] Okay I’m starting to think some of this stuff isn’t true you guys.

   finding new uses for bananas

   "Listen to the sound of my voice...you're getting very sleepy...the economy is great...I alone fixed it...you will vote for me...on the count of 3 wake up" - Obama

   Fat Girls are good for two things. Heat in the winter and shade in the summer

   Sarah Palin: 'I Owe America A Global Apology'. - No Palin, you owe the world an apology for continuing to talk and show your dumbass face.

   Anywhere in the word that is UTC-5 or less will get a full moon on Friday, Sept. 13 2019. So the next one isn't 2049..... Just sayin...

   I'm at my sexiest when I unhinge my jaw to eat a burger

   Sometimes I wish I could tame a high-level frost dragon and keep him as a pet. Other times I wish I had a girlfriend.