Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Oh, so you're religious? *backs away slowly*

   rick Perry...texas has a Republicam Governor running for president that seems like an idiot...this sounds familiar lol

   Q: What do you call a Packers fan holding a bottle of champagne after the Super Bowl? A: Waiter.

   man sent to hospital after finding 6 plastic horses up his arse.....his condition is stable

   How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for the fresh prints

   Our Father who art in Chicago. Hockey be thy name. Thy will be done, the Cup will be won, on the ice as well as in the stands.

   Obama is proposing a dress code for America so no one offends each other

   When I get an unlike under my stuff, I assume people’d had laughed so hard that had pressed the unlike button accidentally.

   You British Fu*k no one cares about soccer

   So boxing was Zimmerman's hobby? Yet he let some teenager who was 15 or whatever years younger than him maul him to the point where he screamed like a little girl and had to shoot him? Ok.

   happy 4/20 ......smoke it if you got it

   Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents, but accidents in the back seats of cars cause children.

   Casey Anthony must be a slut, it took 12 people to get her off..

   It was so hot today I had to stick my head in the oven just to cool off...

   Found my halloween costume and I'm  trying it out by walking through the intensive care unit dressed as the grim reaper 

   menstruation.menopause.mental breakdowns...ever notice how all womens problems begin with men?

   DONALD TRUMP proving that you don't need to be poor to be white trash.

   getting Jiggy with it!

   If your parents ever call you a liar, just say "Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny and Santa". Then walk away like a BOSS!

   A vampire goes into a bar and asks for boiling water. The barman says "I thought you only drank blood?" The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says "I'm making tea".