Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Go to google, type in "Who is the cutest" and click on "I m feeling lucky" :D
←Rate | 06-25-2011 13:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love to stand in line at ATM machines, and when people put in their PIN, I yell "GOT IT" then run away!!!
←Rate | 06-29-2011 20:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Driving cars is like having sex, all guys think they're good at it
←Rate | 07-04-2011 14:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You never can reallly know if a person actually said a quote or not. -Abraham Lincoln
←Rate | 07-13-2011 17:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its my Status and I'll cry if I want to
←Rate | 08-07-2011 13:59 by buttcrack Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wales.... the only country where you can get a delicious hotpot, a smashing jumper and a decent shag... all from the same animal!
←Rate | 03-11-2011 08:04 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon ☑ Just voted myself as Most Popular on Facebook... Can't wait for the Yearbook!
←Rate | 03-11-2011 22:37 by Donna Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if I'll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at every guy on the job and saying, “This thing is broken!!!” (for us females!!! :)
←Rate | 03-23-2011 06:44 by Hot Tea Comments (0)  


   messageicon *Home phone rings* Me-Hello Tom-Hey dude where r you (dude r you stupid,,,u called my home number nd you asking me where I am.....wtf)
←Rate | 04-14-2011 22:41 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Finding the lost TV remote I looked between the bed sheets. Just wish I could find a hot naked women there now and then.
←Rate | 04-15-2011 05:23 by ff1241 Comments (0)  


   messageicon i hope spongebob is raping bin laden constantly...
←Rate | 05-04-2011 13:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I own a shop selling 'CLOSED' signs. We haven't had a single customer today.
←Rate | 05-13-2011 04:34 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon It took a lot of persuasion and reasoning on my part at this 'all-you-can-eat' buffet, but anyway... long story short... I'm about to go down on the waitress.
←Rate | 06-26-2013 20:31 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon One time my dad yelled "who let the dogs out," but the only music we heard was Buddy getting hit by a car
←Rate | 07-02-2013 12:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember when mambo 5 came out with the retina display? It made the mambo 4S look like CRAP........... good times
←Rate | 09-02-2013 08:04 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Blame Obama Hotline, how may we assist you today?
←Rate | 09-05-2013 13:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why don't chicken breast have nipples?
←Rate | 01-22-2013 06:49 by Derfmeister Comments (0)  


   messageicon The boy who used to bully me in grade school still takes my lunch money,,,,,,on the plus side, he never forgets to ask me if I want to upsize my fries.
←Rate | 02-08-2013 00:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Honey Boo-Boo endorsed Obama on Jimmy Kimmel Live. Was that so momma could buy their paint chips on a snap card?
←Rate | 11-07-2012 12:40 by Interstate Cowboy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Men are born between a woman's legs and spend the rest of their lives trying to get back in them. Why? Because there's no place like home.
←Rate | 11-09-2012 10:21 by @SheRidesTheD Comments (0)  




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