Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5001 of 6373
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Go to google, type in "Who is the cutest" and click on "I m feeling lucky" :D
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06-25-2011 13:44
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I love to stand in line at ATM machines, and when people put in their PIN, I yell "GOT IT" then run away!!!
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06-29-2011 20:20
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Driving cars is like having sex, all guys think they're good at it
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07-04-2011 14:53
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You never can reallly know if a person actually said a quote or not. -Abraham Lincoln
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07-13-2011 17:29
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Its my Status and I'll cry if I want to
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08-07-2011 13:59 by buttcrack
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Wales.... the only country where you can get a delicious hotpot, a smashing jumper and a decent shag... all from the same animal!
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03-11-2011 08:04 by @clarkysj
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☑ Just voted myself as Most Popular on Facebook... Can't wait for the Yearbook!
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03-11-2011 22:37 by Donna
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I wonder if I'll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at every guy on the job and saying, “This thing is broken!!!” (for us females!!! :)
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03-23-2011 06:44 by Hot Tea
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*Home phone rings* Me-Hello Tom-Hey dude where r you (dude r you stupid,,,u called my home number nd you asking me where I am.....wtf)
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04-14-2011 22:41 by BEGO
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Finding the lost TV remote I looked between the bed sheets. Just wish I could find a hot naked women there now and then.
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04-15-2011 05:23 by ff1241
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i hope spongebob is raping bin laden constantly...
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05-04-2011 13:35
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I own a shop selling 'CLOSED' signs. We haven't had a single customer today.
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05-13-2011 04:34 by @clarkysj
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It took a lot of persuasion and reasoning on my part at this 'all-you-can-eat' buffet, but anyway... long story short... I'm about to go down on the waitress.
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One time my dad yelled "who let the dogs out," but the only music we heard was Buddy getting hit by a car
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07-02-2013 12:39
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Remember when mambo 5 came out with the retina display? It made the mambo 4S look like CRAP........... good times
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09-02-2013 08:04 by snotty
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Blame Obama Hotline, how may we assist you today?
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09-05-2013 13:18
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Why don't chicken breast have nipples?
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The boy who used to bully me in grade school still takes my lunch money,,,,,,on the plus side, he never forgets to ask me if I want to upsize my fries.
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02-08-2013 00:29
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Honey Boo-Boo endorsed Obama on Jimmy Kimmel Live. Was that so momma could buy their paint chips on a snap card?
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Men are born between a woman's legs and spend the rest of their lives trying to get back in them. Why? Because there's no place like home.