Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
The definition of surprise: a fart with a lump in it. 
Someone gave me a free pen without their knowledge today. Well, I took a pen.
So I asked her “what is that alluring perfume you’re wearing “ and she says “OFF Mosquito repellent “ Gets me every time!
What business makes money by driving their customers away........ A taxi.
Guys, you'll really never know your woman untill you are married to her.
Just got in an argument w the drive thru cashier at McDonalds.. #ArchMadness
If I don't lose some weight, I'm gonna get one of those lap band things. Not the surgery. I mean I'll be able to fit The Stones on my lap.
My ex-wife was such a fabulous cook, even the smoke detectors cheered her on....
Me tomorrow: yea I'm calling in blind today management:: what ? Me: saw the eclipse yesterday I can't see myself coming in today
Petrichor, n. the smell of rain on dry earth
I always Google before reading directions to anything !
Proof that a level weirder than weirdness exists
Hey Osama, must suck when you wake up in Hell & realize those 70 virgins were not women after all, but 70 male virgins that are sooo ready to tear that ass up in Hell.
Hey Osama I hope you like guy's because I have 72 for you
This must be the has been edition of celebrity apprentice.
Decided to add upsets to my bracket this year. So far, I'm the only one that is upset.
I prepared my self for this rapture by playing zombies on black ops and my wife said it was a waste of time I guess the jokes on her !
oh crap..they didn't take me but they took the rum!
Final Words..."These are the GOOD kind of mushrooms"
it just me, or is each "next big thing" getting less and less big and nexty, and a lot more thingy? 