Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Since soap kills COVID 19, have you guys tried just eating Tide Pods again?

   Roman Catholic dietary law classified aquatic mammals as fish rather than meat. therefore, you are free to eat beaver on Good Friday.

   Why did Wisconsin Supreme Court change to the Dems? I think I'm going to kill myself.

   If you drive by my house and see a bunch of kids scooping dog poop, mind your business. They're on a field trip

   I hate when someone is killed in a movie. While normal ppl watch the scene, all i’m doing is try to catch the dead character breathing.

   I got a call from a guy who said that I should stock up on water, batteries, canned goods, candles and a generator. I said, "Done, thank you. I'm ready for Hurricane Isaias." He said, "No, this is your financial advisor."

   Well, Dwayne Johnson has COVID. Coronavirus really hit Rock Bottom.

   Men must have ex 22 times a month in order to not be a risk of prostate problems

   Twisted Tea is the new Can of Whoop-ass.

   When this pandemic is over, I’m going to French kiss every escalator handrail at the mall

   It snowed in Texas for the first time ever. That's cold.

   2017 is turning out to be one huge waste of time.

   I know it's early..but I often forget things, so I've just written my letter to Santa, warning him not to drink the milk at Bill Cosby's place!!

   my coffee this morning taste a bit Islamic

   Brexit, is a British expression. Translated into American, Brexit means "Money exiting my 401k."

   Sorry Britain ..... The United States won the "Exit Race" by leaving European control way back on July 4, 1776. However ... let's all celebrate our Independence this Independence Day!

   The female Praying Mantis devours the male immediately after mating ...... While a Human female prefers to spread it out over an entire lifetime.

   Question: Is military coup an option for the 2016 US presidential election?

   If Peter Parker's occupation isn't as a web designer in the new Spider-Man movie I officially give up....

   Bill O'Reilly has a good point. I mean, without slavery, some of those people could have ended working for a monster like Bill O'Reilly.