JAKE Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon On new year's eve while counting down the last 10 seconds, I lift my left leg so I'll start the new year out on the right foot.
←Rate | 01-02-2018 04:10 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Was having an argument with my wife. Just as I was about to win the argument, my alarm clock went off.
←Rate | 10-21-2017 17:29 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon It was so cold that when we milk the cows we got ice cream.
←Rate | 01-02-2018 03:03 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Buying Halloween candy to hand out as an adult, is like paying back for all the free Halloween candy I got when I was a kid.
←Rate | 10-11-2017 14:58 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Since the 2nd amendment gives me the right to bear arms. I cut the sleeves off all of my shirts.
←Rate | 12-17-2017 00:50 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's so cold out that I saw a dog frozen to a fire hydrant
←Rate | 01-02-2018 02:38 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's better to be kissed by a fool than be fooled by a kiss
←Rate | 11-19-2017 16:53 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon . I think mydog looks out the window when I leave for work to see that's it safe to lay on the sofa.
←Rate | 08-25-2017 17:56 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I once was brave enough to shave my privates with a straight razor. But now I don't have the balls to do it again.
←Rate | 01-18-2018 21:25 by JAKE Comments (0)  


   messageicon A person who says that sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me. Has never been hit with a large dictionary.
←Rate | 09-03-2017 02:50 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Notice when you call a 1-800 techical support number you get an assistance operator in India? Wonder when a person in India call for technical support if they get an amercian operator.
←Rate | 09-17-2017 15:15 by Jake Comments (2)  


   messageicon If it was not for the dumb things I did as a kid. I would not have anything to laugh about today.
←Rate | 09-24-2017 21:48 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
←Rate | 10-10-2017 08:05 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon In the past few days my Doritos stock started to skyrocket. Thank you California.
←Rate | 01-04-2018 07:08 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon 911: What's the emergency? Man: My wife keeps shining her laserlight pointer light on me. 911: How is that an emergency ? Man: Her laserlight pointer is attached to her gun.
←Rate | 09-12-2017 21:54 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon The longer I stay at home. The more homeless looking I look.
←Rate | 10-12-2017 19:29 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon (insert random song lyrics that describe how I feel, even though nobody cares)
←Rate | 03-15-2010 11:26 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon annoyed that these guys like Clooney, Cruise, and DeNiro are all picking me as their celebrity look-alike. Get a life losers.
←Rate | 01-30-2010 14:16 by jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon So cold in D.C. today that the politicians had their hands in their own pockets.
←Rate | 01-02-2018 03:12 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon "The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office." - Robert Frost
←Rate | 01-22-2010 07:35 by jake Comments (0)  



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