Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   closer than he appears in your rearview mirror.

   Michael Jackson may be dead, but his dance moves live through rip-offs of Justin Bieber and Usher

   My fake plants died, because I did not pretend to water them

   March 4th. I like tomorrows date because it's like i'm telling people what to do.

   NEWS ALERT!!! Jack Bauer was the one who 'double tapped' Bin Laden.

   ..that WINNING but than instant LOSER feeling you get when a girl sends you a sexy pic, and you look at the message details only to find that their are 9 other numbers above yours...awkward...

   I hate it that I can't bounce a tic tac on my pencil...

   what was that saying from that commercial from the '70's...don't mess with mother nature.

   I used to spend anywhere between $90-$200 on ed hardy shirts..now I use them as rags to clean my car... smh

   The awkward moment when you try to end a conversation with "your mum" and they reply "that's what she said"...

   it me or is majority of your high school friends more ‘Antisocial' these days on Facebook. Like we're all strangers or something…..No? Ok its not just me.

   I love when girls say "i don't mind" as if anyone cares...

   I bet George Wendt's web browser has a lot of open tabs.

   Did you hear about the new Emo/Action film? They just cut to the chase scene.

   Attack life,... it's gonna kill you anyway.!!!

   i know you have an open mind..... I can see what's in ur head...nothing

   a light eater . As soon as it is light he starts eating.

   Samsung infuse 4G AT&T comercial, with The Lady SCREAMING and the guy Beating the phone with his shoe... Please Hit yourself in the head with a hammer. Thank you

   finally its Jail for Whitey Bulger, brings a new meaning to tighty Whitey

   Down with OPD (Other People's Drama)