Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What the deuce!! Talk about a knee trembling, ball tingling experience 2 start your day! Natural Source mint and tea tree shower gel is awesome!!! :)

   What are the benefits of these gold membership services for facebook? Will I have people digging for gold on my virtual farm?

   Some memories are wonderful to make but painful to remember.

   It's pretty sad when someone's idea of "meeting new people" consists of adding everyone in the People You May Know tool....

   How can you just assume that a gallon of whiskey a day has a negative effect on my life?

   You ever had a gut feeling about having an empty stomach?

   life can be as sweet as you make it.. kinda like kool-aid.. life is kool-aid..

   If they would have had Facebook when I was in college, I would still be in college.

   ■My greatest fear is that I will accidentally use the status update as the search bar.

   I hate it when I go for a hug, and she goes for a handshake. >:(

   "Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." -Dave Barry

   I told her dont be mad but I'm leaving just as fast as I came!

   When we run into an ex, we always play "Who Won?" And in our minds, we always won.

   A beer lover is born with a beer compass within. He always knows where to find it!

   They truly don't make movies like they use too...When I was a kid movies had values, morals and ethics...And without these great movies how would I have ever known that I "Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead"...

   "I'd like to thank my celebrity life-coaches Mel Gibson, Charlie Sheen, Nicholas Cage, Wesley Snipes, & Nick Nolte for the overwhelming positive effect they've had on my recent life."

   I know what love is..Thats like someone who doesn't love you back is like hugging a damn cactus. The tighter you hold on, the more it hurts.

   It must really suck to be a podium salesman. "Are your arms tired out from holding five pieces of paper?" You need a podium!

   Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.

   The higher you put your hopes, the more it hurts when they fall.