Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon poking you with a spork
←Rate | 11-14-2007 01:01 by Sabbathrabbit Comments (8)  


   messageicon i guess its better to be picking daisies than pushing them up
←Rate | 09-14-2010 21:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just had to ask myself, "What would a competent person do in this situation?"
←Rate | 01-15-2011 03:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Give me patience, and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!
←Rate | 10-24-2010 14:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon thought they put covers on books so I COULD judge them.
←Rate | 10-24-2010 14:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Here's a helpful hint: the fastest way to get a hold of a live person is to scream obscenities at the voice prompts.
←Rate | 10-24-2010 15:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm surprised the FHRITP guy is not at Ferguson screaming his catch phrase on the news...
←Rate | 11-24-2014 23:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Men that make their women laugh get lots of sex - Science
←Rate | 03-02-2014 09:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only benefit to getting up early is being the a$$hole who tells everyone how early he got up.
←Rate | 03-02-2014 09:22 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've given up trying to kill you for lent, enjoy your life for the next 38 days.
←Rate | 03-10-2014 00:46 by Lori Comments (0)  


   messageicon How strong am I?...hmm, Is Whiskey a level?
←Rate | 04-20-2014 11:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How do you say "I don't care" in every language known to man?
←Rate | 04-30-2014 13:57 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My field of dreams is just a fully stocked liquor store.
←Rate | 05-24-2014 12:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Get close so I can push you away. ~ humans
←Rate | 06-08-2014 10:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon wait till they get a load of me.. or is that from me.. I can never get that line right
←Rate | 01-25-2016 17:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't want to be famous. I just want to be "your death is trending" famous.
←Rate | 02-13-2016 22:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm as conflicted as a strip club addict with a glitter allergy.
←Rate | 02-16-2016 17:06 by jkmen Comments (0)  


   messageicon Most people on their 16th Birthday get a car, I got an inflatable dinosaur costume and not gonna lie, I'm in love.
←Rate | 02-23-2016 00:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Who wants to babysit for the Duggars' and the Romney's at the same time?
←Rate | 02-28-2016 03:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm tired of forced interactions and unnecessary communications, just saying!
←Rate | 02-29-2016 20:14 Comments (0)  




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