Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   skinny dipping with snapping turtles...oh what a feeling!

   A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

   just had someone have a go at her for deleting them from her facebook.Whilst I know it is a childish thing to do I can't help thinking "I don't give A TINY RATS ARSE that is WHY I DELETED YOUh

   I just realised Chewbacca carries a Purse!"

   I think I've watched too many scary movies because every time I go to Chic-fil-a I find they are way too nice. I keep expecting their eyes to roll back in to their head while they are smiling and saying "its my pleasure to serve you."

   didn't think I needed a dude for anything...but batteries aren't gonna help me move this furniture around.

   She never lied to you. She promised to be your first and last... she just never said anything about all the others in between.

   drinks, dinner, drinks....rinse and repeat...happy Friday..smile

   here for you...but not now I am playing video games.

   If the game doesn't freeze every 6 minutes, then you're not watching FOX.

   Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles

   Don't hold onto anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love !

   believes that if you tell your boss what you really think of him, the truth will set you free.

   heard that Greece won at the world cup today...given their recent debt write downs it's a good thing they didn't have to buy a goal.

   flooding newsfeeds with youtube videos....

   best job in the world .... a pillow ,get to lay in bed all day and get head every night

   Whoever thought that climbing into a box and doing their thinking there didn't come up with the best idea...

   Russians have grossly misunderstood roulette. Someone needs to tell them it's gambling on numbers, not maybe killing yourself.

   If the best part of waking up is Folgers in my cup, I don't think I wanna wake up.

   Thanksgiving: The only day where it's American to stuff your face and be proud of it!