Funny Status Messages
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two muffins are sitting in an oven, one turns to the other and says "damn sure is hot in here isn't it?" the other muffin turns and screams "HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN!!" 
Necrophilia: because there's nothing like cracking open a cold one.
Fries, Chips...whatever you wish to call them, we Americans at least have teeth to eat them with. ... Say what .... Have you been to walmart lately ?
Who is Kim jong ......Wasnt that an 80s song?.......Everybody kim jong tonight........
I feel like everytime a Trump employee quits or gets fired, Oompa Loompas should appear and sing a song to teach us about the perils of gluttony and greed.
In honor of Christine O'Donnell, I am designating November as Lack of Awareness Awareness Month.
Babe, I can't promise you that you won't have problems in your life...but I can promise you that you'll never have to face them alone..
I'm so broke... People in Haiti are having a benefit for me !!
Smokey Bear just celebrated his 70th birthday. Smokey bear is 70. Can you believe he's that old? Smoky says he puts out fires by waking up seven times a night and peeing on them!
4 out of 5 turtles are Ninjas
You know you've entered a ghetto neighborhood when you see a pair of shoes hanging from a telephone wire.
FYI to the Prophets adding dates....Japan Earthquake was on 3/10/11, they are a day ahead of us.
thinks Facebook should add another option for Friends Requests... WHO ARE YOU?
86. Sometimes I like to order pizza from Domino's and when the delivery boy rings the bell I open the door in a Pizza Hut outfit.
Have you ever seen Stevie Wonder's house? Neither has he.
If I thought President Obma should serve two more terms in office, than I'd be on crack just like Obama is.
let's be honest half of us didn't even know who Steve Jobs was until he died...
The Dallas Cowboys say they're not intimidated by Peyton Manning... They also said they are not really sure what "intimidated" means.
going off the rails on a crazy train
Roses are Red, Winters are Cold, Now get on your knees and Do what you're told! 