Funny Status Messages
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To aid in the demolition of his image, LeBron James said he was enlisting a "dream team of experts," including Tiger Woods, Jesse James, and BP CEO Tony Hayward 
Google is really an undercover gambling addiction hence clicking "I'm Feeling Lucky" compulsively.
Pop Rocks and Condoms! All I can say is WOW!
So, if you are deaf and mute but you have psychic ability, would you have a sixth sense or a fourth one?
Your follicles are ugly! Your roots are a joke! I have seen better parts in a mechanic shop!!...Oops sorry, I was teasing my hair.
always right and never wrong. The only time I thought I was wrong was when I thought I was wrong but I wasn't - I was right!!
dropped in an upholstery machine. He is fully re-covered now.
It's pretty hard not to scratch when you're playing pocket pool.
A watched pot never boils. But an unwatched pot boils dry and burns. Is there a happy medium?
I paid a doctor to give me a colonoscopy...if I did that to a dog, they'd throw me in prison.
You can lead a horse to water but you can not make him drink, but you can make him wish he had!
To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful
Trending Now - #1 Mindy Cohn..... WTF?
it's so cold outside that all the politicians have their hands in their own pockets.
So, your kid made the the Dean's List huh? Well I say his real parents would be proud because you're both morons so he clearly must be adopted.
The combination of wet-phlegm laryngitis and requesting Mucinex D from the pharmacist produced comedic results that cannot be cleanly reproduced on Facebook.
wonders if there's an alternative to mistletoe. one that allows punching.
floating in a life boat after getting thrown off the ship over a misunderstanding over what the poop deck actually was!
Look ladies, I'm not a player. I'm just active participant. :0)
does anybody actually say "booyah" anymore? I think those letters should be separated and granted restraining orders against each other 