santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   There are 364 days until Christmas and I already have my Christmas lights up and my Wife call's me a Procrastinator.

   Should I be worried that Santa just de-friended me?

   On Dasher, On Dancer, On Prancer, On VISA!!! Christmas shopping time.

   Step 1) Install coal stove. Step 2) Be naughty all year. Step 3) Wait on santa to deliver so I can heat up the house.

   wonders if dyslexic devil worshipers sell their soul to Santa

   waiting for Santa to smack me and say ho ho ho

   I'm surprised the whiny P.C. police haven't protested "A Christmas Story" yet; after all, it's about a boy who wants a gun for Xmas.

   I drank too much over the holidays. I was at the doctor's yesterday and gave a urine sample. It had an olive in it.

   I don't t take my Christmas Tree down...I smoke it.

   Correcting typos matter. Its the different between addressing a letter to Santa or Satan. It could save a child's soul.

   I told Santa what I wanted for Christmas, now I'm on the naughty list

   Just remember this holiday season, if you say "May you kiss may ass" really fast, it sound just like "Merry Christmas"..

   Sorry, parents of ugly children on Facebook, those Christmas sweaters didn't help; just made them uglier in a festive way.

   the only reason I enjoy Christmas is because it is the one time of the year that my habit of sitting in front of a dead tree, eating chocolates out of my socks, whilst waiting for a strange fat man to enter my house, is considered a normal event!

   Don't drink and wrap presents. Also, if anyone gets a remote control for Christmas, I'm going to need that back...

   Life would be much easier if Christmas decorations grew on trees.

   i'm thinking about sending a fruitcake to some family members for Christmas...u know the old saying "you are what you eat"

   Opened a Christmas card today and rice fell out....Must have been fro Uncle Ben.

   finding the Christmas spirit, now if only I can find someone who is in the giving mood to pay

   Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.