love Funny Status Messages

   I love myself but I'm not "post pictures of myself everyday on my Facebook wall" love myself.

   Never ever give a woman a straight answer. Give them gay answers, they love gay answers.

   I love when people post "whats going on tonight!" or "text me with plans" if your friends need reminded to text you with plans you have no friends.

   Don't be afraid to love again. Just kiddin. Be afraid, be very afraid.

   Women are not complicated... They just want love... and chocolate... and shoes... and some other stuff

   When I was older I used to love playing around with time machines.

   So,, The cashier at this Trader Joe's forgot to say "I love these" to one of my items, and now I have to go to the end of line and start over.

   a smile is a sign of joy, a hug is a sign of love, a laugh is a sign of happiness and a friend like me...well...that's a sign of good taste.

   Restraining orders: Just another way to say I LOVE YOUUU...

   On Monday, Chipotle will begin selling tofu burritos in the New York area. So if you love burritos, and you love tofu . . . you probably don’t exist.

   The love you can't have lasts the longest...feels the strongest...and hurts the most.

   Every time I see you my heart flutters, and time slows down. So either I'm in love or having a stroke!

   My wife and I got a book on how to spice up our love life. One suggestion was to make love in a car wash. It was great but it really pissed off those people doing their church fund raiser.

   ...I love a girl who loves another girl who loves me...this is a strange triangle, but it could be interesting...

   Gotta love sharing a bathroom with elderly family after Thanksgiving Dinner...I feel like Andy Dufrain crawling thru those 200 hundred yards of pipe for freedom....

   Don't you love the tan lines that girls get after sunbathing? It's almost like God came down and highlighted all the important parts.

   If you're looking for an ambitious girlfriend, I'd like you to know that I love being on top.

   I think your first love holds the biggest piece of your heart because they made the first cut.

   I am never shocked or surprised when someone I trust and love backstabs or betrays me. Even the Devil was once an angel. Even Judas was once a loyal disciple.

   I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend…until the LSD wears off and I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around a parking lot...