santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Fricken spellcheck. Looks like Santa will be bringing me a nice piece of glass this year.

   Autocorrect me if I'm Rung,,, but there's no Tim like the presents

   I'm about to overdose on Christmas music...

   Santa does not get milk and cookies at my house. Beer and pretzels it is. I figure after several million gulps of milk and enough cookies to cause a diabetic coma, a beer would be refreshing.

   Ladies - I am still available as a great last minute Christmas gift!

   Every family has a relative that they would prefer to keep hidden during the Holidays. If you think your family doesn't have one...Trust me it is YOU!

   I predict that if, by 21 December 2012, the world doesn't end, I'll still have to buy christmas gifts..

   The christmas nativity play was cancelled. Not due to religious reasons, but because they couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin

   Santa, this Christmas all I want is a fat bank account and a slim body. Lets not mix the two up like last year, ok?

   I didn't sleep very well last night. everybody's going to get a shamwow and pajama jeans for christmas. damn you infomercials!!!!

   .Merry Christmas to most,and to a select few of you may santa flush his $hitter over your chimney!

   You say toilet, I say Christmas beer vomit receptacle.

   We don't have mistletoe at Christmas so we just kiss under the influence.

   Wow, Christmas parties invitations are starting to arrive... grrrr... shut up liver!

   My Christmas tree looks like Hell. I can get away with it though, because I'm a guy.

   “I wouldn’t touch you with a thirty nine and a half foot pole” -Families making Christmas plans in 2020

   No, I didn't gain weight over the holidays....I'm just retaining Christmas cookies, that's all....

   Merry Christmas......now that this is out of the way....I can justify the rest of my day with alcohol and shenanigans.

   thinks Bill Gates and Steve Jobs should be Santa Claus and forced to give us all presents

   The Anti-Christ came to my Christmas party and turned all the wine into water. Hate that guy.