Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon How to make your girl feel special: 1) Write down how you feel about your drink or drug of choice. 2) Put her name on it & give it to her.
←Rate | 06-29-2012 14:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
←Rate | 07-03-2012 20:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I once said “a penny for your thoughts” to a girl and it cost me a dollar…
←Rate | 07-12-2012 14:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shout out to whoever got these gas prices down in July. now lets hit da two dollar mark.
←Rate | 07-13-2012 06:50 by jitney Comments (0)  


   messageicon My parents were mimes. The "sex talk" was really awkward.
←Rate | 04-20-2012 12:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Feminism is the belief that both sexes may become equal by focusing solely on one of them.
←Rate | 05-12-2012 10:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon n't it ironic that I hate math, but I love counting money.
←Rate | 05-17-2012 14:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I ever get Bieber fever, just let the fever kill me.
←Rate | 05-22-2012 09:00 by sweetlikeantifreeze Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I got a dime for every time I didn't know what was going on, I'd be asking people why they're giving me dimes.
←Rate | 05-23-2012 10:12 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just thought of something that really sucks. How are you?
←Rate | 05-23-2012 15:45 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon it too late to claim that I invented the wheel. . .
←Rate | 06-20-2016 00:10 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bernie said from the start of his campaign he would endorse Hillary if she won the primary, his supporters flip out and disown him when he shows integrity and keeps his promise.
←Rate | 07-15-2016 00:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Black Beatles Lives Matter. Black Eyed Peas Matter. Black Leather Jackets Matter. Now Black Off And Leave Me The F#ck Alone. . .
←Rate | 07-17-2016 01:43 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon Prisoner 1: What are you in for?.... PEE WEE HERMAN: Sperm bank heist.... Prisoner1: How'd you get caught?.. PEE WEE: I DON'T KNOW, IT'S LIKE THEY SAW ME COMING!
←Rate | 08-17-2016 21:36 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon [high school] Teacher: do you have your homework? Ryan Lochte: I was murdered last night
←Rate | 08-25-2016 07:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you ever see a woman with her arm stuck in a Pringles can in Walmart, I'd appreciate it if you don't make eye contact with me, thanks.
←Rate | 08-30-2016 15:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Oh, you’re a ceiling fan?... Name three ceilings then... Yeah,,, I didn't think so
←Rate | 08-31-2016 18:56 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Trump wins, I'm going to open a florist shop near the Mexican border. And yes, I will call the shop "Wallflowers."
←Rate | 09-02-2016 15:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon .... I have been self identifying as a woman ever since the men's room at the theater was full.
←Rate | 09-07-2016 23:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hooters has a shuttle service that will take you to sporting events. It’s called Boober.
←Rate | 09-20-2016 00:46 Comments (0)  




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