Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
It took my decades to sleep soundly knowing that rhythm will not in fact get me, tonight or any night 
Do you listen to Rap music? If so, who’s your favorite Rapist?
Does anyone really ever listen to the wedding march melody? Dumb dumb de dumb ...... Dumb dumb de dumb.
doesn't the U.S. have missiles that can reach North Korea? #testthem
Crap, I bought a non-shtick pan. Now it does not like my jokes.
I came home one day all proud as can be with my report card, I said to my mom, look I got a B in Reading, she said to me that's a D you moron!
Shout out to all my friends who never post, like or say anything on Facebook, You're my heroes!
But if you silent friend's could do me one little favor and like just this one status so I'll know your still out there breathing and actually give a damn wha
Did you ever noticed how much weight a chicken can gain and it never shows on their faces ?
If a medieval musician had a bicycle, would it be called a Minstrel Cycle?
I just burnt 550 calories without doing anything. And that's the last time I look at Facebook with pizza in the oven!
Took a step outside. Whew! Hotter than a Salma Hayek lap dance. I'm going back indoors.
My Chinese neighbor man was going to cook his wife a surprise birthday dinner last night. But someone let the "cat" out of the bag.
Ladies, do you like the strong, silent type? Then you'll love my farts.
ME: (in prison) Come on man! I know you can bust us out of here! KOOL-AID MAN: *closes his bible and looks up* I’m not about that life anymore.
As a Fat bottomed girl, I'm not sure how we're expected to make the Rockin' world go round. That sounds *way* too much like exercise to me
Darn I just realized I missed the Grammys again which now makes like 10 years in a row.
Will no longer appear as "Husband on Sailboat" in a Viagra commercial due to a contract dispute. I'd appreciate privacy during this time.
All I'm sayin is how do you expect your gluteus to be maximus,,, if you don't eat your bacon?
My first childhood Lesson was that if you dream you're having a piss, you are most likely having a piss
Just my luck, first time I get a B.J and it's from a hooker with Asthma ! 