life Funny Status Messages

   It's time to stop making the same old mistakes in your life. Get creative. Make some new ones.

   Life is short. Do as much damage as you can.

   I don't just say crazy things on the internet, I do that in real life too.

   “In life we all have an unspeakable secret, and irreversible regret, an unreachable dream, and an unforgettable love.” 

   The "problems" in your life can't be that bad if you can update a facebook status... How bad can life be if you have internet access or a cell phone with a data plan.

   When life gives you a Grenade, pull the pin and toss it to your EX..

   Somebody is out there, somewhere, thinking of the impact you've made in their life. It's not me. I think your an idiot.

   The Three Up's in life: 1. Show 2. Keep 3. Shut

   4 truths of life: 1) You can't touch all of your teeth with your tongue. 2) All idiots, after reading the first truth, try it. 3) The first truth is a lie. 4) You're smiling now cause you are an idiot.

   Dodged another windshield today.....BUG LIFE.

   I just don't get life insurance. Why would I want to give my family a financial incentive to kill me?

   Have you ever noticed how people who play candy crush are always saying they need a life?

   You never realise how boring life is until someone asks you what you like to do for fun.

   Welcome to Facebook, where relationships are perfect, liars believe their own lies & the world shows off they are living a great life.

   Life and beer are very similar……..chill for best results.

   Quote of the year: If you think life is unfair, you’re not gonna be too thrilled about death.

   Instagram is good for showing highlights from your day, but Snapchat brings to life all those boring, in-between moments no one cares about.

   I live every day of my life as if it's my last. Basically I just leap in slow motion away from things which aren't exploding... Repeatedly.

   Don't you think its time for Life Alert to update their commercials.

   One life to live cancelled and Osama finally comes out of his cave. Coincidence?