Funny Status Messages

   OK .... Since the latest Leaks and emails surfacing are proving the facts to be true ..... Perhaps it's time to watch the movie "Clinton Cash" on YooToob to see what kind of person you are really voting for.

   I can picture it now. Xi says in Chinese "look at this fat idiot attack that chocolate cake." And then the interpreter says in English "we agree that this meeting has been very useful".

   Two Franciscan priests opened a Long John Silver's franchise. One was the fish friar and the other was the chip monk.

   I love ruining the plot of Dorian Gray for people. Never gets old.

   My doctor put me on a low sodium/no alcohol diet recently. I've lost 6 pounds so far... I also know joy weighs 6 pounds now.

   If you can't handle me at my [vomits] Then you don't deserve me at my [passes out]

   Morgan Freeman will be the narrator at his own trial.

   Did you know you don't need a parachute to skydive? You only need a parachute if you want to skydive twice...

   A married couple in their 60's gets a vist from a fairy. Who says I will grant each of you a wish. The wife wish for a 2nd honey moon. Poof. Two tickets on a luxury cruse liner appear Husband I'd like my wife to be 30 years younger than me Poof he's 92

   Her: How deep is your love? Me: 8 inches. 3 if you actually have a ruler with you.

   I don't care what anybody else says. "You're a Mean One Mr. Grinch" is the greatest diss track ever written.

   Don't you hate it when someone is willing to take the credit when something is a success, but when it’s a FAILURE, it’s ALWAYS, somebody else’s fault?

   Still waiting on the "Once you go black, you never go back" episode of Mythbusters.

   We are 3 months into 2019 and it's still January

   I thought my pet rock was sick... Turns out it was just stoned

   When Robert E. Lee was in high school, was he voted as Most Likely to Secede?

   I don't understand people who say the moon landings were fake? I mean what did the government spend the 24 billion dollars on? To pay hundreds of thousands of people working on the Apollo program to sit around and play checkers?

   Amazon thinks my recent humidifier purchase was merely the inaugural move in a newfound hobby of humidifier collecting.

   Samsung just announced a series of water resistant phones... Hmmm,, You may NOT want in a phone that sets itself on fire,, to be water resistant guys.

   If your phone is autocorrecting kindergarten to Kardashian, the world is not wrong, it's your search habits.