santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Santa only gives my kids undies and socks. All the cool stuff comes from dad. They don't like Santa much.

   I'm like a kid in the candy store when I shop for my x-mas presents at the liquor store.

   Screw it..... I'm just gonna say that these are " Mother's Day" lights now..... *lazy Christmas light owners...

   I always try to see my relatives with love and affection during the Holidays. When I can't I try to see if there is more Bourbon available.

   I'm dreaming of a white Christmas. But, if the white runs out, I'll drink the red

   ...just heard that Tampax is replacing the strings with tinsel this month. ...Ladies, get them soon, supplies only last for the the Christmas period!

   the reason Santa even has a naughty list!!!!!

   I just want a Christmas like we used to have with all of us together pretending we're enjoying it.

   All I want for Christmas is for her let me stuff her stocking with my holiday joy.

   FACEBOOK + CHRISTMAS = Endless status updates reminding you what month it is. Not to mention pages and pages of people's Xmas pics.

   its beginning to cost a lot like Christmas

   thinks Santa should send all the naughty people Justin Bieber CDs instead of coal for Christmans

   I'm dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out, I'll pop open the red and drink that.

   It's December! I guess it's time to pretend I'm putting up the Christmas lights... that I never took down from last year

   If you've ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops, you've seen me wrapping Christmas presents.

   Me: Ooh, I love those pretty Christmas lights hanging over the street. Cop: Those are traffic lights, what's exactly in the thermos ma'am?

   What flavor vape oil are you leaving out for Santa this year?

   I got jumper cables for Christmas because I like to start crap...

   Life was a lot easier when I believed in Santa Claus. . .

   FOUR STAGES OF A MANS LIFE : 1. You believe in santa. 2. You don't believe in santa. 3. You are santa. 4. You look like santa.