life Funny Status Messages

   Not sure I'm going to heaven. At this point in my life, the best I can hope for is the low humidity section of hell.

   It is important to be thankful for little things in life. Like the fact that the world doesn't make a strange creaking noise when it rotates on its axis.

   I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

   Some people have an inflated view of their importance in my life.

   I've been on a million first dates in my life, but there is still no rejection like a toddler refusing to high five you back...

   Life needs to give out Vodka now, enough lemons collected

   XBox Kinect Sports is so life-like... I just got picked last!

   When life gives you a hundred reasons not to go to work today.....don't argue with it.

   Some angry woman with road rage just yelled out her car window "I'm gonna make your life a living hell!" I yelled back "Thanks, but I'm not looking for a relationship right now..."

   If your laugh in real life sounds like "Bwahahaha", guaranteed I won't be funny around you.

   I'd rather have Samuel L. Jackson narrate my life. No offense, Morgan Freeman...my life just requires multiple uses of the word motherf*cker.

   If your parachute doesn't deploy don't worry, you have the rest of your life to fix it.

   Life has no remote. Get up and change it yourself.

   has the key to all of life's questions... but he'll be damned if he can find the lock...

   When I die I want my body donated to science; specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead people back to life.

   At what point did Cardi B think to herself, "I'm tired of this life, I should try to be a singer," while she was dancing around the stripper pole?

   Before you give up in life, remember that the hair in your anus grows despite it's environment. So stay strong and never give up.

   Life consists of avoiding people you have seen naked, while trying to find new people to see naked?

   My life may be a mess, but I know where everything is.

   I work hard so my dog can have a better life.