santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Dear Liver: The holidays are almost over. Come on you can do this!

   Just bought forty copies of Justin Bieber's latest CD as Christmas presents for all those who really pissed me off throughout 2011.

   Hey Holidays,,,, either start later or get more songs.

   Retail Stores: "It's September 1st! Time to put out all the Christmas crap...."

   If you don't enjoy scaring dogs by talking through a cardboard wrapping paper tube, don't bother stopping by my house on Christmas morning.

   Got a copy of The Christmas Story today...I was surprised they edited the DVD down to 96 minutes...I always enjoyed the 24 hour version of the movie

   Christmas is the time of year when we want our pasts forgotten and our presents remembered!

   starting the diet on monday or when walgreens runs out of maked down christmas candy

   When Thanksgiving is over, you have my permission to listen to Christmas music.

   I wish I loved anything as much as Santa loves rich kids.

   I'm so glad the elections are over and we can put all that stress behind us and move on to being stessed about the holidays.

   The wife: what do you want for Christmas, sky is the limit Me: new boat The wife: lower sky

   *gives ex wife's next door neighbour a drum kit for Christmas*

   wishes I would have got a new cell phone from Santa this year.. This rotary texting is really a drag.

   Nothing says to a robber, "I have brand new never before opened electronics piled up in my living room." Like a Christmas tree.

   No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a sword.

   We're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f-ing Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white a$$ down that chimney tonight,he's going to see the jolliest bunch of a$$holes this side of the nuthouse!

   ...just heard that Tampax is replacing the strings with tinsel this month. ...Ladies, get them soon, supplies only last for the Christmas period!"

   Has just been kidnapped by a fat man in a red suit and put in a bag, ALRIGHT! FESS UP! Who put me on there Christmas list?

   Dear Santa, I would like a thin body and a fat bank account. Don't mix it up this year!