life Funny Status Messages

   Today's life lesson: If you can't wow them with brilliance, Baffle them with bullshit.

   Life would be easier if you could mark people as spam.

   You know your life is boring when happy hour is when the kids take a nap.

   LIFE INSURANCE: a contract that keeps you poor so you can die rich

   Life doesn't come with instructions, so why live as if it also comes with rules?

   Life is so much easier with a sense of humor.

   In a perfect world you would be able to mark people as spam in real life.

   Dont lose the girl of your life, for the hoe of the night.

   My dog just saved my life by ferociously barking at nothing outside.

   Females don't want much from you except your time, attention, space, food, shirts, fun, bed covers, passwords, credit cards, life, soul......

   All my life I thought air was free.... until I bought a bag of potato chips

   ..if life is just one big game.. I need unlimited health & money cheat codes...

   Hope that your Life is long and useful, Like a roll of toilet paper.

   I have a new lease on life. Month to month. No utilities.

   No Matter what you do in life, always give 100%. Unless of course you are donating blood.

   Life is all about ass. You're either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it or trying to get a piece of it.

   My life is a constant panic attack occasionally interrupted by a nap

   I hate that heart attack moment when you miss a step on the stairs. It makes you cherrish life there for a moment.

   The secret to life - Replace one worry with another.

   Gonna steal one of those "No interest for 12 months" signs from a store...and hang it on my life.