Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   A daughter asked her mother how to spell pinus, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue.

   Guys that are afraid of spiders, what color did you get your nails painted on Mother's Day?

   Whoo yooh A suicide book..got my mother in laws christmas present..};-)

   This may look easy to you, but I assure you your mother is even easier.

   Instead of getting periods, can girls just get a text once a month from mother nature saying "You're not pregnant, have a nice day!"

   You know its sad when your mother is on facebook and guys younger than you are poking her

   [reviewing security cam footage to see what's eating out of my trash at night] mother of god it's me

   Maybe Mother Nature wants to be a dirty girl!

   "no one told you life was gonna be this way," but later in the same song... "you're mother warned you there'd be days like these"...well did your mother tell you or not? Can I get some consistency please?

   The tag "in bed" that makes fortune cookies so funny, makes Mother's Day cards creepy. Just sayin' (uncle Bill!).

   Nothing like being 29 years old and having your Mother threaten to ground you if you get another tattoo. Havent seen her this fired up since I got caught in a dirty chat room on AOL 3.0

   My nickname for my mother was Hannibal Lecture.

   I'm so awesome that before I was born, my mother had an ultrasound, and they asked for a sequel.

   Dear Mother Nature, I know you've been on the rag lately, but who lit the fuse on your tampon?!?!

   Hey Mr. President. Mother Nature called. She wants her protection back.

   being a mother is like Hotel California, you can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave:S

   Mother Nature's best aphrodisiac is still a naked woman. If your man needs pills to get it up, maybe you are not as sexy as you assumed.

   If a mute swears, does his mother was his hands with soap??

   Relationship status ☐ Seeing someone ☐ Not seeing anyone ☐ Your mother is a wh*re ☑ SHUT THE F&CK UP, I'M WATCHING THE BATMAN TRILOGY!

   Growing up, my mother always used to say in a angry voice : jorje finish up your coffee....there are people in Africa sleeping.... jj