love Funny Status Messages

   Dear bed, I know that I left you this morning, but I love you. Take me back?

   Correction: If your boyfriend answers your text while playing mw2, he doesn't love you. He just died.

   I love you all so much right now because, well, alcohol.

   love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.

   Be careful when getting on Facebook! Side effects may include; mood swings, constant crying, finding love, tired fingers, loss of friends, divorce, it's complicated, loss of time, starving family, dirty home, and too much drama!!!

   Texting someone back while driving just means that you love them enough to actually die for them.

   Text this to someone: I just love making you check your phone for no reason, who's my bi$ch? You are.

   The three phases of love: 1. XOXO 2. XXX 2. EX

   I love long legs.... Long sexy legs..... But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.

   I love my kid but I'm still going to eat his fries when he goes to the bathroom then lie to his face about it.

   Pro tip: when you wake up, reach for your GF's boobs before reaching for your phone to check your Facebook. Women love that.

   The weather over here is terrible. Last night I dreamt it actually stopped raining. I love a good dry dream.

   I think it's funny how women that love expensive things give themselves away for next to nothing.

   True love cannot be found until you can find a mutual comfort level in the thermostat of your home.

   Mess with me, I'll fight back. Mess with my friends, I'll hurt you. Mess with ones I love, and they'll never be able to identify you."

   "I spent our entire relationship trying to change the man he was all the way until I broke up with him for not being the same man I met and fell in love with" ~ Women

   I love how the internet has improved people's grammar far more then any English teacher has. If you write "your" instead of "you're" in a English class all you get is a red mark.... Mess up on the Internet just once, and may God have mercy on your soul.

   There are two things I do at the ATM - deposit and withdraw. I don't even check my balance, because it's on the receipt. So, for the love of God, can someone please tell me what the douche in front of me has been doing for the past 10 minutes???

   I believe in love at first sight....which is exactly why I stopped looking homeless people in the eyes. Just cant risk it.

   I love those sayings that have 2 opposite words in them... Exact Estimate - Act Naturally - Small Crowd - Found Missing - Happily Married...