life Funny Status Messages

   Enjoy the little things in life, because one day, you'll look back and realize that they were actually big things.

   Hmmmmm,,,, Turns out all this time, I’ve been using a life couch instead of a life coach.

   Saw this guy drowning so I threw him a life saver. His last words were, "what is this.. candy?"

   Life is like toilet paper, you're either on a roll or you're taking sh!t from some @sshole!

   you can get whatever you want in this life,if you have self confidence,determination...and huge t!ts.

   Research says laughter can lengthen your life and smoking shortens it. So, I always chuckle between puffs.

   Had a dream I was stranded on a deserted island with Dracula and Rosie O donnell. Pretty spooky! One is a evil being that is pale,and will drain the life out of you.....And the other one's a vampire.

   A watched pot never boils, but an un-watched pot boils over, so I don't know what you want from me life!

   What pisses you off more? The fact that I don't need you in my life...or that you can't have me in yours??

   Life isn't about the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away...like choking.

   #ThatMomentOfHappiness when you see your ex and they're doing worse without you in their life

   Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I've done in my entire life.

   That's the best revenge of all: happiness. Nothing drives people crazier than seeing someone have a good life.

   At the end of each day, life should ask us, 'Do you want to save the changes?'

   Ladies, easy way to tell if a guy is married? Look into his eyes, if there is any sign of life left, he's single.

   you know what the trouble about real life is? There's no danger music

   Anyone who says their wedding day was the best day of their life has never experienced two candy bars falling down at the same time from a vending machine!!!!

   HEY,,,, Don't complain to me about "how hard life is out there",,, When I was your age,,, they only had three types of salad dressing,,,,,,,THREE......

   Life is more exciting when you're out there living it. I read that somewhere.

   For just once in my life I want my phone to ring and for someone on the other end to ask if I'm on a 'secure line'