Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   Headline: 42-year old, mother of two, Jennifer Lopez is now dating a 24-year old backup dancer! Yeah I always knew she wanted three kids.

   Just remember nobody's perfect...Cuz i'm sure even Mother Teresa blamed her fart on a kid or two...

   (With French accent) Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

   My daughter told her mother that a kid in class showed her his peck*r. My wife flipped. My daughter said it reminded her of a peanut, so my wife asked her if it was small. My daughter said, "No, salty."

   He always has the same expression on his face; “only a mother could love.”

   When I was a little kid I was under so much pressure when Smokey the Bear said "Only YOU can prevent forest fires!" until my mother explained that I really didn't have to do it alone.

   Hold your mother today, she was the first to hold you, she held you for 9 months.

   One day, as a little boy, I wrote to Santa Clause. "Please send me a little brother." Santa Clause wrote me back,,, "Ok, send me your mother."

   If you think Mike Pence referring to his wife as mother is disturbing, just wait until you hear what Trump calls Ivanka behind closed doors.

   I am as nervous as Oscar Pistorius's mother on Mother's Day.

   His dad was Mexican, His mother Italian, Both were Jedi Masters..... He's, Old Bean Juan Cannoli. (lol, I'm not even sorry)

   I got 99 problems but a mother f**king jay z ticket aint one of them.

   Young man, does your mother know you ask girls for nudes on social media?

   what's an ideal weight for a mother in law? 3 pounds including the urn.

   cut through an adult gift store parking lot to avoid a traffic light, my neighbor only saw me pulling out with my mother. :/

   My mother-in-law came over and made me dinner, and now I’m wondering if I should have married her instead.

   wants to wish everyone a happy Mother's Eve, not to be confused with Summer's Eve... a feminine hygiene product.

   Mother Nature gave man a set of balls solely to propagate the species. God gave man a set of balls solely for scratching.

   My mother inlaw standing in front of a mirror: "I feel fat and ugly." . Me to make her feel better: "Well at lease your eye sight is good."

   A mother my have a thousand daughters but a daughter has only one mother