Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. What do you mean? responded her mother. Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came back with another...

   Either Mother Nature had one of the best pranks in history for April Fools by saying that we were getting 7 inches of snow today or our weather men are just plain retarded! Either way....well played!

   Happy Mother's Day to all the Mother's that have touched my life and an unhappy one to all the Motherf#*ckers that I encounter everyday!

   "your mother" is my response whenever someone talks to me in a language I dont understand.

   The Mrs is visiting her mother this weekend, so the dog and I are smoking cigars and playing poker. In our underware!!!!!

   My tourette syndrome in under control untill I have to deal with DUMB A$S! stupid people who lack basic MOTHER FUNK1NG! common sense. SH1T! B1TCH!

   The hand that rocks the cradle usually is attached to someone who isn't getting enough sleep Happy Mother's Day

   Necessity is the mother of invention. The Kama Sutra was created because no one should have to "reach enlightenment" in missionary position.

   I remmeber last year at christmas my ex girlfriend was so pissed that I gave her mother a mustache trimmer.

   Hello? Mother Nature? Yes I would like to cancel my monthly subscription...Ah, I can't do that before 40 years are up? No I would not like to transfer to the 9 month plan....

   The reason it's called Mother Nature is because if it were Father Nature the weather would be a lot more predictable

   Dating a single mother: It's like continuing from somebody else's saved game.

   The silence that occurs when I'm waiting for my little sister outside the playground, and a mother asks me "What child?" and I answer, "I have not decided yet ..."

   My wife's mother was here for Xmas dinner. My youngest says to me, "Hey Dad! When are you gonna do that trick?!?" "I said, "Do what trick?" He goes, "You know. You said if granny comes for Christmas you'd climb the walls!"

   Happy Mother's Day to all the teen moms who just released a back door p0rn video this week.

   Taking care of your drunk friends inadvertently prepares you to be a father or mother.

   Bernie Sanders got so excited about the hashtag #BoobsForBernie, it's actually a photo of a breastfeeding mother at one of his rallies. Not a Girls Gone Wild Spring Break edition video.

   Ok mother nature we beat the snow record now there's no need to run the score up!

   as many times as I've been called "that mother f*cker" in my life, I better be getting a Mother's Day card and gift too.

   If you're for gay marriage then you are also for hurting children. Kids need a mother and a father:not two dads or two moms. There is no arguing this fact.