life Funny Status Messages

   Every time I clean up I feel as if I am depriving archaeologists of clues to my daily life.

   video game logic: Everyone worse than me is a noob. Everyone better than me has no life

   My Life: Wake up, Survive, Sleep.

   I don't argue with people who I can remove from my life by pressing a button.

   Be tender to the young, compassionate to the aged, tolerant with the weak. For in your life you will be all of these.

   No matter what you do in life, Dont EVER! let the Kirby Vacuum Salesman into your house!!!

   I've come to a life altering decision. I'm giving up the guitar, and gonna to learn to play that thing in the Ricola commercials.

   Things in my life are finally starting to click...... Like my elbows, my knees, my feet,etc;

   A recent study concluded that staring at women's boobs for 10 minutes a day increases life expectancy. In other news, I turn 137 this month.

   There are two rules to success in life - 1. Don't tell people everything you know

   If somebody's presence does not add value to your life... then their absence should make no difference!

   I'm wondering why life keeps teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn...

   I would unfriend you but I enjoy laughing at your life.

   I had an active life, until some idiot came along and introduced me to Facebook.

   What if they make a movie about Leo’s life and how he couldn’t win an Oscar, and the dude who plays Leo wins an Oscar…AWKWARD!

   I'm the author of my life.Unfortunately I'm writing in pen so I can't erase my mistakes

   i feel like a jerk. I just laughed at a life alert commercial.

   Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you only dress yourself. Moral of the story: in life no one helps you once you're f*cked.

   Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth

   Life is weird. You can go from being strangers. To being friends. To being more than friends. To being pratically strangers again.