tracy Funny Status Messages

   The jungle is only fun when you are on top of the food chain

   bored with Sunday. You should go away and ask your friend Saturday to come back.

   Social Networking is like Judaism based religions. 1st was Myspace, difficult to understand and these days they think there"special." 2nd came facebook; full of Hypocrites and false dreams. Lastly came Twitter; rarely understood by many and hated by most

   Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do. And if you piss him off, you go to a place full of fire and burning and torture and anguish. But he loves you. He loves you, and he needs money.

   As Americans we should fight like hell for the right to draw a picture of Muhammad, but then choose not to.

   Crappy Ending (n): When a 45-minute massage ends with a police investigation.

   Sorry U.S. Football/Futball/Soccer team. You just weren't "Ghana" win.

   Thinks they should have Extreme Bejeweled Blitz Tournaments on the OCHO

   Sorry, quoting bible scriptures to me isnt going to convince me. I could quote "Stars Wars" or "Twilight" and it would be just as profound.

   Got called "shallow" recently because I said I wasnt really into "plus size" women... received the classic quote, "its not what's on the outside, it's what's inside their heart that counts." yeah, too bad their heart is the size of a Canned Ham.

   Best episode of CSI ever, If only I have the power to turn things into reality... Justin Bieber would be dead for good!

   Grilled by the media contantly in recent weeks, authorities have stated that they had been following failed "Times Square Bomber" Faisal Shahzad for months, but only on Twitter.

   making love to your pregnant wife is like putting gas in a car you've already wrecked.

   I propose that Jesus must have been a Zombie. Lets look at the facts: He came back from the dead, He wants you drink his blood and also eat his flesh so that you have ever lasting life. Or maybe... a vampire-zombie? Hmm... futher study is needed.

   It's pretty hot today, but I'll take the heat over the cold any time. Heat = slight sweaty discomfort; drink cold water as needed. Cold = Physical pain of the extremities; sit in a hot tub and dont get out until spring .

   if a man says to a woman,"Girl, you better go in the kitchen and bring me a sandwich," Do you know what a good comeback for that ladies? You better "comeback" with a God damn sandwich.

   The Flying Spaghetti Book: Garlic 3:16, And the Flying Spaghetti Monster so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son and that who so ever should believe in him should not perish but have everlasting pasta, rAmen.

   My invisible make believe deity can beat up your invisible make believe deity

   I dont care who you are, childhood obesity is hilarious... well, unless you are the child in question...

   No one in my office is hitting on me. Seems like it's high time I shave my mustache.