life Funny Status Messages

   I wish life was like a hockey game. I'd gladly spend five minutes in the penalty box for beating the snot out of someone who pissed me off.

   Working on my new book, “How to Get Through Life Without Reading.”

   Memo to self: Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you've Gone Commando in your life.

   OK folks ... I have been working to unify relativity and quantum mechanics into a single unified theory of life the universe and everything........ So far I have discovered that beer is good.

   Complicate your life by telling people how you really feel.

   Its pretty cool how when you ask yoursefl, "What's the worst that can happen?" Life stops what its doing as is like, "Here, let me show you"

   when your life flashes before your eyes, make sure you've got plenty to watch.

   **Warning** It turns out Farmville is a virus that will eat your life away. Side effects are all your friends hate you because of your tacky updates & you're getting fatter from sitting online all day playing. Delete it ASAP and stop being a Tool.

   Sometimes when I play a game on my computer ,the screen goes dark . and I see my own reflection in the screen and wonder what I am doin with my life ..then the next level starts.

   Learning to "stop drop and roll" in elementary school lead me to believe catching on fire would be a much more frequent problem in life.

   Just killed a spider for the first time without peeing myself. Thug life.

   If I'm ever on life support unplug me,, and then plug me back in again,, and see if that works.

   Ladies, men are not that hard to figure out. They are a lot like carpet tiles… If you lay them properly the first time around, you can walk all over them for the rest of your life.

   Whenever you feel like a genius, remember there was a time in your life when you were learning to not poop your pants.

   wishes he could delete people in real life as fast as he can his facebook friends.

   If I blocked you on Facebook, what makes you think I want to talk to you in real life?

   I hope to get to the point in my life where I'm not excited about finding change on the ground.

   Why is a strike in bowling a good thing, but a strike in baseball is bad? I guess sports really do mirror real life...how you play the game all depends on the size of your balls.

   Life would be so much more fun if there were random Dukes of Hazzard style car ramps along the drive to work.

   You've been backstabbed, rejected, unwanted, abandoned, betrayed, tricked, lied to, ridiculed, cheated on, heartbroken, defeated, and said NO to all your life...Did it kill you? Of course not...just made you stronger. USE IT.