life Funny Status Messages

   Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from taking a nap.

   Sometimes, I feel like my life should be documented for future generations.

   There is no life on earth without water. Because without water, there is no coffee. And without coffee, I'll kill you all.

   Talking about me behind my back? That means my life is obviously more interesting than yours.

   It's better to cross the line and suffer the consequences than to just stare at the line for the rest of your life.

   When I was a kid, I was told "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." For the first seven years of my life everyone thought I was a deaf-mute.

   My New Year's resolution is to announce a bunch of grandiose plans & changes I want to make for the new year, but then seamlessly slide into the same destructive patterns that have kept me suppressed in a life of mediocrity for as long as I can remember.

   I’ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.

   People who go to the store and buy the single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy.

   Remembering how easy life was in kindergarten. As long as you had the biggest box of crayons and the coolest lunch box you ruled the school......

   If this past life dictating the stuff that happens to you is true, I really think that the previous life should leave an apology note or something. "Sorry dude but during this life, I did a lot of sh!t that's going to bite you in the @ss. Heads up."

   Dear Mr. Chip bag thank you for telling me that 23 peices equal one serving. However, I need clarification on the exact size of your standard chip. Perhaps a life size picture on the bag would help.

   Too much of my life is spent trying to think of something to write on people's FB walls for their birthday other than "Happy Birthday!"

   Sitting here watching "Undercover Boss" thinking.. Guy shows up at your job with a camera crew, screws everything up, gets you to reveal secrets about your personal life.. If you can't figure out what's going on, there's no hope left for you..

   I miss the life I planned in my head.

   My Life Coach just explained to me that I've been in the placebo group.

   Have you tried sitting on the bench? - my life coach

   My buddy introduced me to the girl he's been dating for two weeks and referred to her as "the love of my life." Now I'm struggling to figure out why we were ever friends in the first place.

   Life is a comedy for those who think, a tragedy for those who feel, and a pie eating contest for me

   A sheep spends it's entire life fearing the wolf only to be eaten by the Shepherd.