life Funny Status Messages

   Man get of the couch and do something with your life. Christ even eggs get laid!

   learning life lesson number 68, don't fry bacon naked!...ouch

   life is too short to be spent pondering eternity

   is You do realixe that by taking the time to read this status update you have just waisted like 30 seconds of your life. Pressing the 'Like" button will make it 31.

   proofreading can save your life... I sent a text from New Orleans to my wife that should have read, "Havin a blast, wish you were here". But instead it read, "Havin a blast, wish you were her".

   x² + why +8 [(x + 2y ² = a-z] + 2x ³ + (- 2z = 2. 4) + 10y - 5Z ³= k= 9 is as useful and crucial to my life as Jesus is.

   Life is like a baseball game. When you think a fastball is coming, You gotta be ready to hit the curve.

   Ob-la-di, ob-la-da life goes on brah, La la how the life goes on

   I guess Paul Ryan won't be cheering for my Relay for Life team...

   I told my roommate this morning if my dinner isn't on the table when I get home from work he's gettin the beating of his life. Then I hid the table

   Life is your audition for heaven or hell.

   I have better things to waste my life on then to put up with you, like updating this status!

   If there is one thing life has taught me, it's humility. In fact, I daresay there is no one on this planet more humble than me.

   Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both.

   One of the best situations in life is to be in a peer group where one person has a grudge against you, but everyone else really likes you.

   sometimes feels like a booger on the dashboard of life

   wishes diets would be easier....like a burger diet or a pizza diet...best would be alcohol diet....man I would dedicate my life to following interesting diets like that....goes without saying I meant if those diets help you lose weight....wow....god is u

   Some things in life are bad they can really make you mad! Other things just make you swear and curse When you're chewing on life's gristle Don't grumble, give a whistle And this'll help things turn out for the best and always look on the bright side life!

   life is just one big mess.....OCD people hate messes....therefore OCD people hate life

   Have you ever read a book or watched a movie that touched your soul so deeply it changed your entire outlook on life? I just took a dump like that….